At times, I find ordinary days without any extraordinary events to be quite treasured. This weekend allows me to finally organize the thoughts that troubled me throughout the whole summer. I try my best to greet and say farewell to everyone I encounter, but as someone who enjoys people’s company, it’s not easy. It’s sad. Am I too emotionally vulnerable? While on the path of getting to know and learn more about people and their music, I felt a strong push aside. Even though experiences like this should become familiar by now, and someone might say it’s nothing quiet special, i found myself bewildered. Even though my words may sound dramatic, I express my fleeting emotions fearlessly when I write. I capture and embrace these feelings, letting them go without regrets, as a way to find inner peace again.
I find people so wonderful and cherishable, yet at the same time, forming strong connections fills me with tension. It takes time for me to open up, and I express myself sincerely without knowing where the limit is. However, there are moments when I want to disappear, making life feel tough.
I’ve developed a habit of pretending everything is fine, which appears to be the safest way to handle things. However, I realize that this silence might end up causing me more pain in the long run. Despite not being able to express it openly and verbally, I hold a mix of gratitude and regrets deep within myself as I bid farewell to certain people and welcome new ones into my life.
As a new semester approaches, I feel thankful for the chance to start again amid the changing circumstances and the environment. Today, having a lazy day like this also puts my mind at ease.
As I organize and make a list of the music I will perform this year, I wonder if I have taken on any unnecessary ambitions. Excessive greed always seems to bring about trouble, so whenever I feel a surge of cautiousness, I remember the words of my favorite football coach, Jurgen Klopp:
“Warum soll man denn nicht all-in gehen? Es mit allem zu versuchen, was auch immer, was man hat? Der einzige Grund, Der einen davon abhalten könnte, wäre ja, dass dann, wenn man scheitert, es mehr weh tut. Also so hab ich das zumindest verstanden. Und damit kümmere ich mich darum, wenn es soweit ist. Bis dahin kann ich nur All-in.”
Learning music, understanding the language of those who create music together, and exploring communication on stage are my “all-in.” Once the semester starts, it will be challenging to find time for such thoughts, but I want to live a consistent life, reminding myself of my all-in mindset.
I want to cherish this given time before pouring my all into everything. Perhaps that’s why the campus is still peaceful. My goal for this year is to pour my all into everything at regular intervals. Whether it’s relationships with people, music, or life, it won’t happen in a calculated way, but I want to live with an all-in mindset with better control. For the past 15 years, I’ve lived in the same pattern, which may seem a bit dull, but that’s my way of going all-in.
While my life may not resemble a dramatic football game, my aspiration is to embrace a life of endless and consistent training, preparing for every moment as if it were a match, and giving my all to it continuously. This is the path I am committed to pursuing.
musicthattouchesyoursoul 