After playing piano for years, today I realized how hard it is to listen to music note by note, as a phrase, and as a whole story — yes, it is shameful to say that I, today, finally found more interesting way to enjoy what I am doing with various experiments ahead of me. It is never too late because I am already so happy that there is a new path laid out for me!
It definitely has been hard to listen and react to one and every note without using my tensed shoulders and body.
As I am training myself to finally use my ears instead of awkward body motion and to listen my music from a different angle, I realize more and more that i did not have my own color until now. Instead, I relied on my own imagination and expression which audience was not aware of its existence.
Whenever Veda said, ” Play more musically. Feel it. Express it.” I could feel it. I had so many images and emotions going on in my heart but did not know how to project this feeling through my sound. I must have been afraid to listen to a real sound I was making, because it simply was not pleasant to me. I must have just wanted to stay in my own drama and not wanted to wake up from this dramatic dream. I totally was enjoying music by myself. So, while I was enjoying all this joy and agony by myself, the audience was wondering about what I was doing .
This morning, when I had a dress rehearsal for a competition, professor Vardi told me that my sound was weak in the hall that he could not hear anything — while I was making my own story, no one was on the same page with me. As I tried to make more sound, i started to use my body and started to get more tense. My old habit started to come back and I was twisting my body awfully to make “sound.” Oh yes yes yes… All of sudden, I was reminded of Veda. Her voice. Her arm gesture. Her shouts. “SUNMI! STOP DOING THAT AWFUL GESTURES!! YOU ARE TENSED AGAIN! YOU ARE NOT RELAXING! YOU ARE NOT L I S T E N I N G!! Ohhhh no no no now its SLUPPY!!”
I just wanted to say that I am really thankful for Veda for what she had taught me back in Juilliard. After all years of learning from Veda how to project sound, I today realize how relative it is from relaxing my arms to making clear and focused sound. It is shameful but hopeful that today I finally found the last puzzle piece to finish a picture of her teaching.
One more thing to do; work on it. Continue to work on it. Improve it. Prove it.
Veda always told me. She always emphasized that CONSISTENCY IS THE MOST IMPORTANT to grow and improve. Thus, yet I lack consistency, I will keep working on this character until it becomes a part of my music and my life. Thank you so much Veda! I miss you!
Also, thank you prof. Vardi for your passion and energy that you have shown me this morning. You have musically inspired me so deeply today that I was speechless for the whole time to see your moves and charisma– drawing phrases in so many different ways which ended up bringing a whole book of drama.
그럼 이제.. 마이노스 인 뉴올 전곡을 들어봐야지.
musicthattouchesyoursoul 